Post by magnus on Aug 13, 2012 0:04:03 GMT -5
~ Scene One
" But Mista Blake, Vhere should Magnus stay? "
" Don't worry Magnus, I have it all worked out for you. "
" Gud, it better meet Magnus, high standarz. "
" Oh, I think it'll do more then just that. "
~ Scene Two
The sunlight burned Magnus’s nose and the stench of America suffocated his eyes. The long trip may have made others weary, tired, but not Magnus. The ten hour flight time would make anyone else jet lagged, the time transition would rewind and twist their internal clocks but not Magnus. Ten hours and no food would make anyones stomach burn it’s self alive in protest but Magnus just sat there. He sat there on the plane when appropriate and stood when needed to stand. He met Ryan Blakes personal driver at the airport. A simple “ Are you Magnus?” and nod were all that were needed. The half hour or so car ride was quiet, except for the easy listening music the driver had on. His weak attempts at cheerful, wide eyed small talk were met with the cold, long stare of The Siberian Lion. Not before long the car arrives at a large house, the driver leans back, tiping his head, looking at Magnus kind of slanted.
Driver - Well, this is it. We’re here.
Magnus - Vhere, Vhere is “ here? ”
Driver - Be hell if I new, I just know that this is the right address.
Magnus - But Vhere?
Driver - This, here, right here, right now is your new digs, your pad, yo casa sue casa.
Magnus - Whose castle is this?
The driver face palms himself and lets out a groan.
Driver - Just, just, get your stuff and go. You’ll figure it out.
Magnus gets out of the car, taking a small duffle bag with him. Guess the Russian packs light or maybe that’s just everything he owns. Either way, Magnus approaches the house and walks inside with out knocking or even announcing he’s opening the door. Almost immediately he’s greated by a some what large man but still no bigger then Magnus.
Man1 - Hey guy, who are ya?
Magnus looks the man over once before responding.
Magnus - I am Magnus ‘ho are you?
Man1 - Magoo? No shit, you look like him. Hey everybody, we got Magoo all up in da house!
“ awwwee yahh boi! “ can be hear echoing through out the house, coming from another room but soon the other occupants come in to check out Magnus.
Man 2 - Whose this f*ckin mook!?
Man 1 - Naa, this is Magoo.
Magnus - I tell you my name, Magnus. Learn it Yankkee man or I Vill KA-RUSH you.
Women 1 - oh, well I think he’s hot.
Man 2 - you would.
The women gets real close to Magnus, brushing up against him, trying to grind on him.
Women 1 - Hey there! Ohh Yahhh..
Magnus - Vhat, Vhat iz ‘dis? Yugoslavian Cave Bear? I killed all of you. How did you survive?
Man 3 - Cave bear? Na, she aint no cave bear, she’s a f*ck’in meat ball.
“ Meatball problems!” can be heard in unison between Magnus’s cave bear lady an her friend as they high five.
Magnus - Magnus no understand. Vhat Meatball, vhat problemz ?
Man 3 - ya know, meat ball.. F*ck’in meat balls. She’s loose like cave bear.
Women 1 - Vinny, shut ya mouth. Ain’t no one talkin’ to you.
Vinny - What eva Snookie.
Magnus - You name cave bear? Vhy Vould you do ’dat? Vhat kind of name, Znookie?
Snookie - It’s my name, sexy.
Magnus - Vho tought it to speak an vear klothz ?
Snookie - Excusse me? Who the f*ck do you think you VAR you VUCKING prick!
Magnus - Not nov cave bear, nobodiez tall-king to youz.
Magnus puts his hand on Snookies forehead and shoves her away so hard she stumbles back and falls down. What they would all normally laugh at, has now become offensive since they don’t know Magnus.
Man 1 - Who the f*ck do you think you are? Commin all up into our house and shit like you own the damn place?
Magnus - Dis iz my home. Magnus live here nov.
Vinny - OHH SHHIT SON!!
Fist pump! Magnus looks curious and cocks his head, trying to immitate what Vinny did.
Magnus - Vat iz ’dis… … ?
Vinny - Fist pump bro. You know, fist pump. Like you’re excited, happy or you’re celebrating.
Magnus - Magnus no un-der-stand.
Vinny - It’s a Jersey thing.
Man 1 - Shut up Vinny! This mook just came in here and put his hands on Snookie!
Vinny - What eva Mike, like who hasn’t ?
Mike - It’s the point.
Magnus - mike, ’der’z no problemz. It’z juzt cave bear. I’ll finish her off later’z.
Vinny I’m sure you will. She wants you deep in her muff.
Magnus - Vhy Vould I Vant to be in her a’ mouth? Magnus just snap her neck, like all rest. Here..
Magnus goes to walk over to Snookie whose still sittin down, presumably in shock or just getting ready for Smush Smush but he’s stoped by mike.
Magnus - Mikey, vat is problemz?
Mike - Right f*ckin’ here is ya problem, ya situation.
Mike lifts up his shirt to show off his abs.
Magnus - ‘dose R nice stomach boobs.
Mike - na man, these are my abs!
Magnus again looks confused
Magnus - I knev ‘ittle girl once named Sasha, she vaz how you say, village retards. She had better abs ‘den youz.
Mike - Get da f*ck outta here. You aint seen better abs then these. you’re just jelous.
Magnus - Stomach boobs? No. You Vant abs, here.
Magnus lifts his shirt up revealing that not only does he have an impossible twelve pack of abs, but even those abs have abs.
Magnus - now get out Magnus face before I KA-RUSH you!
Mike - KA-RUSH ? Me ? Crush me? You ain’t crushin’ a damn thing! I’mma crack your skull wide open! Then it’s GTL!
Magnus - Vat iz GTL’z ?
mike - Oh my god! Who are you?
Magnus - I toldz you. Magnus.
Vinny - GTL. Gym. Tan. Laundry.
Magnus - Vats that gotz do with Magnus ?
Mike - I’mma do it afta I knock you the f*ck out!
Magnus - Ah’ Magnus, understandz nov.
CRACK! Magnus head butts Mike as hard as he can, knocking him out cold on the floor. Magnus squawts down, pointing his finger in his face and yells very loud.
Magnus - MAGNUS GO TO GYMZ! MAGNUZ NO TANZ !
Magnus stands up, looking at everyone else and points at all of them.
Magnus - ALL DO MAGNUS LAUNDRYZ
Magnus fist pumps.
Magnus laughs sarcastically, really loud and deep as everyone else nervously laughs along. Magnus suddenly goes stone face as everyone stops too, looking both scared and confused.
Magnus - Now Magnus go unpack. I have to prepare for my fight vit Vest and Greenz. To-morrov, I kill cave bear .
For Motha Russia!
" But Mista Blake, Vhere should Magnus stay? "
" Don't worry Magnus, I have it all worked out for you. "
" Gud, it better meet Magnus, high standarz. "
" Oh, I think it'll do more then just that. "
~ Scene Two
The sunlight burned Magnus’s nose and the stench of America suffocated his eyes. The long trip may have made others weary, tired, but not Magnus. The ten hour flight time would make anyone else jet lagged, the time transition would rewind and twist their internal clocks but not Magnus. Ten hours and no food would make anyones stomach burn it’s self alive in protest but Magnus just sat there. He sat there on the plane when appropriate and stood when needed to stand. He met Ryan Blakes personal driver at the airport. A simple “ Are you Magnus?” and nod were all that were needed. The half hour or so car ride was quiet, except for the easy listening music the driver had on. His weak attempts at cheerful, wide eyed small talk were met with the cold, long stare of The Siberian Lion. Not before long the car arrives at a large house, the driver leans back, tiping his head, looking at Magnus kind of slanted.
Driver - Well, this is it. We’re here.
Magnus - Vhere, Vhere is “ here? ”
Driver - Be hell if I new, I just know that this is the right address.
Magnus - But Vhere?
Driver - This, here, right here, right now is your new digs, your pad, yo casa sue casa.
Magnus - Whose castle is this?
The driver face palms himself and lets out a groan.
Driver - Just, just, get your stuff and go. You’ll figure it out.
Magnus gets out of the car, taking a small duffle bag with him. Guess the Russian packs light or maybe that’s just everything he owns. Either way, Magnus approaches the house and walks inside with out knocking or even announcing he’s opening the door. Almost immediately he’s greated by a some what large man but still no bigger then Magnus.
Man1 - Hey guy, who are ya?
Magnus looks the man over once before responding.
Magnus - I am Magnus ‘ho are you?
Man1 - Magoo? No shit, you look like him. Hey everybody, we got Magoo all up in da house!
“ awwwee yahh boi! “ can be hear echoing through out the house, coming from another room but soon the other occupants come in to check out Magnus.
Man 2 - Whose this f*ckin mook!?
Man 1 - Naa, this is Magoo.
Magnus - I tell you my name, Magnus. Learn it Yankkee man or I Vill KA-RUSH you.
Women 1 - oh, well I think he’s hot.
Man 2 - you would.
The women gets real close to Magnus, brushing up against him, trying to grind on him.
Women 1 - Hey there! Ohh Yahhh..
Magnus - Vhat, Vhat iz ‘dis? Yugoslavian Cave Bear? I killed all of you. How did you survive?
Man 3 - Cave bear? Na, she aint no cave bear, she’s a f*ck’in meat ball.
“ Meatball problems!” can be heard in unison between Magnus’s cave bear lady an her friend as they high five.
Magnus - Magnus no understand. Vhat Meatball, vhat problemz ?
Man 3 - ya know, meat ball.. F*ck’in meat balls. She’s loose like cave bear.
Women 1 - Vinny, shut ya mouth. Ain’t no one talkin’ to you.
Vinny - What eva Snookie.
Magnus - You name cave bear? Vhy Vould you do ’dat? Vhat kind of name, Znookie?
Snookie - It’s my name, sexy.
Magnus - Vho tought it to speak an vear klothz ?
Snookie - Excusse me? Who the f*ck do you think you VAR you VUCKING prick!
Magnus - Not nov cave bear, nobodiez tall-king to youz.
Magnus puts his hand on Snookies forehead and shoves her away so hard she stumbles back and falls down. What they would all normally laugh at, has now become offensive since they don’t know Magnus.
Man 1 - Who the f*ck do you think you are? Commin all up into our house and shit like you own the damn place?
Magnus - Dis iz my home. Magnus live here nov.
Vinny - OHH SHHIT SON!!
Fist pump! Magnus looks curious and cocks his head, trying to immitate what Vinny did.
Magnus - Vat iz ’dis… … ?
Vinny - Fist pump bro. You know, fist pump. Like you’re excited, happy or you’re celebrating.
Magnus - Magnus no un-der-stand.
Vinny - It’s a Jersey thing.
Man 1 - Shut up Vinny! This mook just came in here and put his hands on Snookie!
Vinny - What eva Mike, like who hasn’t ?
Mike - It’s the point.
Magnus - mike, ’der’z no problemz. It’z juzt cave bear. I’ll finish her off later’z.
Vinny I’m sure you will. She wants you deep in her muff.
Magnus - Vhy Vould I Vant to be in her a’ mouth? Magnus just snap her neck, like all rest. Here..
Magnus goes to walk over to Snookie whose still sittin down, presumably in shock or just getting ready for Smush Smush but he’s stoped by mike.
Magnus - Mikey, vat is problemz?
Mike - Right f*ckin’ here is ya problem, ya situation.
Mike lifts up his shirt to show off his abs.
Magnus - ‘dose R nice stomach boobs.
Mike - na man, these are my abs!
Magnus again looks confused
Magnus - I knev ‘ittle girl once named Sasha, she vaz how you say, village retards. She had better abs ‘den youz.
Mike - Get da f*ck outta here. You aint seen better abs then these. you’re just jelous.
Magnus - Stomach boobs? No. You Vant abs, here.
Magnus lifts his shirt up revealing that not only does he have an impossible twelve pack of abs, but even those abs have abs.
Magnus - now get out Magnus face before I KA-RUSH you!
Mike - KA-RUSH ? Me ? Crush me? You ain’t crushin’ a damn thing! I’mma crack your skull wide open! Then it’s GTL!
Magnus - Vat iz GTL’z ?
mike - Oh my god! Who are you?
Magnus - I toldz you. Magnus.
Vinny - GTL. Gym. Tan. Laundry.
Magnus - Vats that gotz do with Magnus ?
Mike - I’mma do it afta I knock you the f*ck out!
Magnus - Ah’ Magnus, understandz nov.
CRACK! Magnus head butts Mike as hard as he can, knocking him out cold on the floor. Magnus squawts down, pointing his finger in his face and yells very loud.
Magnus - MAGNUS GO TO GYMZ! MAGNUZ NO TANZ !
Magnus stands up, looking at everyone else and points at all of them.
Magnus - ALL DO MAGNUS LAUNDRYZ
Magnus fist pumps.
Magnus laughs sarcastically, really loud and deep as everyone else nervously laughs along. Magnus suddenly goes stone face as everyone stops too, looking both scared and confused.
Magnus - Now Magnus go unpack. I have to prepare for my fight vit Vest and Greenz. To-morrov, I kill cave bear .
For Motha Russia!
